


Caged Up

by eledhwenlin



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-12-19
Updated: 2007-12-19
Packaged: 2017-11-05 10:18:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/405316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eledhwenlin/pseuds/eledhwenlin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You can't cage up a wild animal without it going insane.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Caged Up

**Author's Note:**

> A big thank you to [](http://bluebrocade.livejournal.com/profile)[**bluebrocade**](http://bluebrocade.livejournal.com/) and [](http://zabira.livejournal.com/profile)[**zabira**](http://zabira.livejournal.com/) for your awesome betas! You made this fic much better than it was. You're all rockstars.

Sirius hates being caged up in Grimmauld Place. Day after day, he looks at his family’s heirlooms and has visions of the life he could have led if only …

He has come to realise that _if only_ means nothing but heartbreak and bad hangovers, so whenever he feels a bout of nostalgia and despair coming on, he springs into mindless action. He is almost always hampered by one of the members of the Order: Dumbledore stopping him with authority and a single look; Molly warmly and with regret; Snape cold and short; and Remus … Remus pities him and loves him. It is evident in every look and every touch and sometimes it’s enough and sometimes it isn’t. Azkaban changed too much of Sirius, even if he does not like to admit it. The man he was once, the boy Remus fell in love with, he doesn't exist anymore. It’s painfully obvious in all their interactions.

So Sirius turns to other people. Every encounter with Remus makes him yearn for human contact and, while he is happy about every letter Harry writes, it's not enough for him. He would like the boy to live there with him, but Molly put her foot down and all the children are going to school as they should.

But there are other people around in Grimmauld Place, too. He doesn't plan for it to go like this; it's just one of life’s fateful accidents that happen to change your life in ways you didn’t fathom. He doesn't intend to start an affair with Tonks.

He still can’t quite understand how it happened. She has just come from a mission, weary and tired and dirty, and because he feels sorry for her, Sirius puts her up in the older master bedroom. It’s the one room Kreacher has kept almost painfully clean, although he let everything else decay.

Tonks is too tired to care much about decorum. She starts to undress, while Sirius is still in the room. He wonders whether she is always like that, but soon his mind is engaged in other, more devious thoughts. It has been a long time since anyone has touched him. Remus is the only exception, and there’s no warmth in what happens between them. Too much has happened since they left Hogwarts: Azkaban left its imprints on Sirius, no matter how much he tries to deny that, and Remus has been on his own for so long that he is afraid to form connections to other people, lest he gets hurt again. That he does it to Sirius, who egged James on to become animagi and join their friend during the full moon, Sirius who has loved him in spite of everything, hurts all the more.

He moves without thought, and as he stands behind Tonks, he can’t _not_ touch her. She doesn't seem surprised and, in the end, neither is Sirius.

For the first time in weeks, he feels alive.

They meet again and again. Every time, their coupling is fierce and wild, and every time, Sirius feels a little more like the young boy he once was. It gives him the power to do more than brood in his room, a change that is commented upon by Molly, as she smiles warmly at him.

Everything’s fine until the day there’s suddenly an influx of new information and many members are hastily called together. Death Eaters have been gathering somewhere in Surrey, Sirius overhears on his way to the kitchen, their unofficial conference room. He ends up on the opposite side of the room from Tonks who is next to Remus. He sees them talking together, whispering in each other’s ear, and he is instantly jealous. _You’re mine_ , he wants to growl, but he’s not quite sure whom he's addressing. Both of them belong to him.

After the meeting, missions are distributed and Sirius sees with a pang how Tonks and Remus leave together. He doesn't have the chance to talk to either one. He is especially moody that evening.

Early in the morning, he is awoken suddenly by quiet voices in the kitchen. Silently, he gets up. He finds Tonks in the kitchen, eating some cold leftovers. He should be concerned (Why did only she return? Where is Remus? Why does she not heat up the food – is she too tired to perform such a simple spell?), but Sirius is driven by jealousy. His overactive mind has provided him with colourful pictures of what Remus and Tonks could have been up to.  
When Tonks notices him, she nods but doesn't speak or stop eating. Sirius sits down across from her and watches her. What can he say? _Back early?_ Or late? It doesn’t matter, anyway.

With a quick wink of Tonks’ wand, the dirty dishes move to the sink, and she lets her head sink down onto the table. She seems awfully young in that moment – but that’s the real problem, right? She is much too young for this endeavour. Sirius ignores the fact that all those years ago James, Lilly and Remus were Tonks’ age, too. It was different then, he tells himself.

Tonks sits up again and frowns at Sirius. He only now becomes aware that he hasn’t spoken at all since he came down. But he doesn’t know what to say because there isn’t anything to say that won't sound like an accusation.

“I’m going to bed.”

Her words break the silence like a vase that shatters on the floor. It drives Sirius into action. He springs up and pulls Tonks from her chair into his arms. She seems a little bit confused at first, but returns his kisses anyway.

Sirius is a desperate man – he knows he’s going too fast, but he can’t help it. He needs this connection now or he’ll fall to pieces, and he doesn’t know how to fix himself. A distant part of his mind is grateful to Tonks for just going along with it, her youthful ardour matching Sirius’ desperation.

He's aware that at any moment Molly or someone else might turn up, disturbed by the noise and the light, and they’ll be caught. Instead of bringing him back to sanity, it urges him on. There's no stopping once he feels Tonks responding to his kisses and touches. Only a few layers of clothing separate them. Soon, they're gone, and Sirius pushes Tonks back onto the table. Her eyes are shining with arousal and something else he cannot bring himself to name.

Then he is inside her and all thoughts stop.

It is quick and messy and wild and over much too soon. Only when he lies panting on top of her, spent and still feeling out of tune with the world does he realise that, for Tonks, this meant goodbye. They clean up quickly, without looking at each other. There is nothing to say.

A few weeks later, Harry needs Sirius’ help. He goes gladly.


End file.
